No One Understands You and What to Do About it – Heidi Grant Halvorson

Here are my comments on the book:

When it comes to communicating effectively, its an art to speak your mind and to deliver the message in its intended way. Heidi Grant Halvorson, PhD and Associate Director of Columbia Business School’s Motivation Science Center lists out some strategies on being a better communicator. It’s interesting how we all fall victim to the assumption that others perceive us the way we do. Points taken away are:


1. First impressions matter because of the primacy effect.The primacy effect is the reason your parents still treat you like you are twelve even when you are forty. In their eyes, you are still the person they first knew you to be – naive, inexperienced, and more than a little foolish. My mother still insists that I am disorganized and scatterbrained, despite the fact that I literally make my living writing and speaking about planning and time management.


2. We subconsciously stereotype because it helps us make better sense and connections of people who we meet. Use it towards your advantage. Wanting to become something you’re not? Start dressing the part.Under most circumstances, people use stereotypes about the groups to which you belong (or appear to belong) to interpret everything you do and say. And most of the time, people don’t actually know they are doing it. In fact, they don’t even have to believe a stereotype to be affected by it. At its most basic, stereotyping is a form of categorization – something human brains have evolved to do swiftly and automatically. Categorization allows us to navigate and interact with new objects in the world with relative ease.


3. People are either driven by rewards (promotion-focused) or fear (prevention-focused) or a mix. Learn the type of your audience and tailor your message to communicate your desire more effectively.Speaking the right motivational language when communicating with your perceiver is key. For a promotion-focused perceiver, frame your ideas in terms of potential gains or wins – as ways of ending up better off than you are now. Be optimistic, and appeal to emotion. For a prevention-focused perceiver, frame your ideas in terms of avoiding losses or mistakes-as ways of staying safe and secure. Be a realist, and enlist cold, hard facts.


book_coverHow do you read FASTER and SMARTER? Click Here


4. Want to turn a foe into a friend? Try getting closer around them and wear them down. “‘Familiarity breeds contempt,’ but what the research tells us is that in most cases, what familiarity breeds is liking. This happens partly because we are more  comfortable with things that we’ve seen before and partly because we feel that if something or someone is going to be around us a lot, we might as well like the person or thing. It’s just easier that way.)


5. Finding the right balance of competence and warmth can be tricky. Knowing when to play which card appropriately will get you ahead in your social relationships.Here comes the tricky part. You may have begun to notice that the patterns of behaviors we associate with warmth and competence often directly contradict one another. In other words, if you appear too warm, people may question your competence – and if you appear too competent, people may assume you’re cold.


By Ryan Lee


My rating:
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Check out the book here:
Amazon USA
Amazon Canada
Amazon UK


Thank you for reading! Please comment below on which point resonated with you the most or if you have a story to share. If not, please leave a comment below about a book that you’re currently reading or a book that you suggest and your takeaways from it as I’d love to read your comments! Please join my Facebook group here follow my Twitter here like the post, or share it.


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