Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential – John Neffinger

 Here’s my interview with John Neffinger:

Here are comments on the book:

So how does someone become a more compelling person? John Neffinger, one of the founding partners of KNP Communications (which specializes in preparing speakers for high-stakes audiences), states that we all knowingly or unknowingly display strength and warmth that then translates into how influential we are in our relationships. Show too much warmth and it becomes a sign of weakness. Show too much strength and you become feared. Whether you’re talking with your boss for a raise, in an interview for a job position, interacting with someone who you haven’t met before you, finding the right balance between the two is key to success. Points taken away from this book are:


1. Smile more if you can; it’ll do wonders.We attribute all kinds of good things to people who smile at us, such as happiness, attractiveness, sociability, flirtatiousness, and success, among others. Smiling can even create a halo effect, which causes us to make a wide range of positive associations with people who smile at us. Teachers are more likely to call on students who smile at them. Restaurant waitstaff and bartenders know this as well as anyone: They get better tips when they smile at customers.


2. Your image matters as it’s a big representation of who you are on the inside. It’s really the only thing you can control with regards to your image (other than through plastic surgery). We all have preconceived notions of who someone is like just based on the way they dress.Because people choose what they wear, those style choices are reflections of character. When people notice someone’s appearance, they draw on cultural associations as well as more specific judgements about the fit between personal style and natural attributes. Style may strike some people as shallow, artificial, or otherwise unworthy of serious consideration, but there is plenty of evidence that it matters where judgements of strength and warmth are concerned.


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3. Learn to master humor. “Humor can project strength and warmth at once, because it displays verbal dexterity at the same time it creates a shared experience of laugher. We respect people with the ability to make us laugh, particularly those quick enough to use it as a weapon – ask any comedy club heckler who has been cut down to size – and we like them, because they are fun to be around as long as we are not the butt of their jokes. He then later states, “humor can also bond people, drawing a circle around those who get it and excluding those who do not. These are inside jokes, and as often as not the joke is that there is no joke at all, that it is just some random dumb thing someone once said and someone else repeated. Once the inside joke is established, though, everyone in the know is amused by how perplexing the rest of the world finds it.


By Ryan Lee


My rating:
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Check out the book here:
Amazon USA
Amazon Canada
Amazon UK

Thank you for reading! Please comment below on which point resonated with you the most or if you have a story to share. If not, please leave a comment below about a book that you’re currently reading or a book that you suggest and your takeaways from it as I’d love to read your comments! Please join my Facebook group here follow my Twitter here like the post, or share it.


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